As Christmas approaches, we continue looking at the 10 ‘Life Changes’ supporting us to ‘Be Happier’. The previous ‘Life Changes’ are: #1 ‘Letting go of Toxic People in our Life’, #2 ‘Letting go of Regret Around Past Mistakes’, or what we consider to be mistakes and #3 ‘Do you Believe Everything you Think?’.
“Be careful how you are talking to yourself because you are listening.”
– Lisa M. Hayes
So often we hold ourselves back with the words we choose. Yes, how often do we hear the words our mother, father, teachers, siblings, grandparents or other influences in our life used to say? We have hung onto them all these years. It could be as long ago as primary school or as late as yesterday. Of course we take them on board, the question to ask ourself is, “Do we need to keep them?” Or, “How is this supporting us to be our best?” Our parents might say, you cannot do this, we are plumbers and trades people not doctors. Or unfortunately, a teacher may say we are terrible at singing and it stops us ever singing again. We’ve been told we cannot dance, run or cook well, yep, it shuts this little gem down inside us.
Parents and often grandparents will tell us these types of things because they want to protect us from getting hurt. Other comments may have no thought about the impact they make. Sometimes, we can be told things by people who are not happy or who are having a bad day and they don’t think about the impact of their words. Whatever the intention behind the words, it’s up to us to decide how we deal with them. The more and the longer we hang onto them and believe them, the more we hold ourselves back. The more we do this the more the ‘little gem’ inside wants to shine out. The more it’s suppressed by our ‘thinking’ the sadder and more frustrated we become. This can lead to an overriding negative mindset, anger, procrastination and even stagnation. These thoughts and feelings create our behaviour which of course ripples out to our loved ones and the role modelling begins.
Turning thoughts around is a practiced behaviour, it’s a new habit. Can it be done? Yes, it can! If we want anything to change, we can change it. Being positive does not mean ignoring the negative. Being positive means overcoming the negative. It’s about being aware of our thinking and what it’s giving us. We will feel sad, angry, frustrated etc, and this is part of life. Stuff happens and it’s very important to feel what we feel. If it’s frustration, be with it. Feel it. Understand it. Where did it come from, why are we getting it now from this situation. Fully be with it. The important thing is to then let it go. It becomes debilitating if we invite it to play ‘in our life all the time’. This will not serve us. Understanding the sadness and relating it to the event is key. Then, thank it and let it go. Life goes on, it must go on. Learning from the event, situation or circumstances is key. If we don’t learn the lesson, we will get it back. What we tell ourself every day will either lift us up or tear us down.
The cells in our body react to everything our mind says. Negativity brings down our immune system and if it continues will take our body to dis-ease. Slowly we will feel ourself change, things won’t function the way they used to. Choosing change can stop this. We can start with speaking to ourself like we would speak to someone we love.
Next notice our self-talk – decide if it’s negative or positive, put another spin on it. Helpful or not helpful. In the moment of noticing, turn it around if it’s negative or unhelpful. Some examples could be:-
If we tell ourself we don’t have something, guess what will happen? We will belief it. By telling ourself we don’t have time, we won’t have the time. Change our words around, “I have time.” Also, if we continue to say yes to everything, we will feel short of time when pushing everything into the 24 hours we have. When we say yes, who are we saying no too?
I am strong, because I know my weakness,
I am beautiful, because I am aware of my flaws,
I am fearless, because I learn to recognise illusion from real,
I am wise, because I learn from my mistakes,
I am a lover, because I have felt hate and
I can laugh, because I have known sadness.
Enjoy implementing changes into our life, we are the driver of our own Bus of Life! Where are we sitting?
Want help shifting any of these negatives and turning them into positives? Work with a Coach and move them on quickly enabling a calmer more peaceful life.
“Be mindful of your Self-Talk. It’s a conversation with the Universe.”
– David James Lees