Over the next 10 weeks, leading up to Christmas we will be sharing 10 ‘Life Changes’ supporting us to ‘Be Happier’. After these school holidays have finished, we will be on count down to the Christmas holidays. Generally at the end of every year, we reflect on ‘how the year has been’ for us. Then, we say to ourselves, “it’s going to be different next year.” More often than not, our good intentions fall by the way side and we can find ourselves repeating the same actions and thoughts all over again. This of course, will create the same results we have just experienced. We find ourselves going, around and around, same old stuff, just on a different day!
“Happiness is not something ready made. It comes from your own actions.”
– Dalai Lama
“If we want something different, we need to do something we have never done before.” It’s actually the definition of insanity, doing the same thing over and over expecting a different result. Even though we know this, how often have we found ourselves doing the same thing and then repeating it again and again?
As a lead up to the end of the year, how about we work on letting go of ‘stuff’ keeping us stuck in our rut. Or stuck in a place where we know we want something different. Let’s get out of our comfort zone and put our little toe into testing different waters to give us different results. Each fortnight there will be a little plan of action. Remember, Shift Happens when we make new and different choices.
Understanding our ‘Comfort Zone’ is a great first step. Our comfort zone will often hold us back from doing different and new things. Our unconscious mind is our comfort zone controller. The job of our unconscious mind is to keep us safe at ALL times! It will come in many different forms. It might be our mothers, fathers, grandparents, uncles, aunties or even teachers voices from the past – their voice will play out in our heads each time we stretch ourselves. We will remain stuck, because our unconscious mind will constantly throw these at us. The voice might say, “No, you cannot be a doctor, our family are all plumbers.” The voice might say, “who do you think you are?” Or, “you know you have done this before and where did it get you?” “You are not pretty enough, slim enough, intelligent enough or good enough.” And the list will go on. We remain stuck! Our unconscious mind feels very good because it’s doing its job!
The other reason the voice can hold us paralysed is because we are not feeling confident in ourselves. Our self-esteem might be low and we don’t have the energy to test the waters, and we allow the ‘little voice’ to hold us ‘stuck’. It’s interesting what we give ourselves permission to listen to. Our unconscious mind is doing its job really well. It is keeping us safe. However, once we extend ourselves and push past the voices and the limiting thoughts, it’s amazing what we can achieve. Once we have done this, our unconscious mind goes, “Oh, this is okay, we are safe here, all will be well”. We then move forward stretching ourselves. Then; we go to stretch ourselves again and the whole process starts again, the unconscious mind once again wants to protect us. It’s a constant cycle of our life and it’s our choice in how we deal with it.
This great video on our ‘Comfort Zone’ is very supportive to this topic and something we can learn from.
Step 1 in the 10 step process is:
Letting go of toxic people in our life:
When we have people around us who are very different to us, it does not serve us. They drain our energy and invade our space. They might challenge us with our choices, talk down to us, be unsupportive with our ideas, argue, find fault, think they are better and accuse us, etc. When this happens, we have two choices.
1. Let them stay in our life and allow them to drain our energy. It’s similar to allowing a leach to stay on us and suck our blood. The leach gets what it wants and gets more pumped up (fatter and fatter) with the more blood it sucks. When it’s had all it can take it drops off. What happens with leaches, whether they have stayed on a short or long time is they cause us discomfort. They itch and itch and take a considerable amount of time to stop itching in the healing process. They also take a long time to stop bleeding. All this discomfort is from allowing something/someone to be on us sucking our energy and positivity.
2. The other choice is to make a break! When we set ourselves free from ‘drainers’ or toxic people who hang on for the ‘energy’ and not the ‘friendship’, we become lighter, brighter and much more positive and upbeat. We become empowered instead of disempowered. We become more positive, alive and on fire. We are on purpose!
Although this might seem harsh, if we are to move on and create the life we wish to have, sometimes difficult decisions need to be made. Remembering, “If we always do what we have always done, we will always have what we have always had.”
Tips to move on from toxic people in our life.
- Be firm in what we want for ourselves. It’s important to remember; who’s life we are living!
- Be more open with communication and planning our life – be on purpose and in control.
- Understand the power of saying ‘NO’. Appreciate when we say ‘Yes’, what and who are we saying ‘No’ to! (always we are saying no to ourself).
- Know, we are the most important person in the world! (without a doubt, this is not selfish, this is self-less).
- Understand – when we are looking after and out for ourself, we are doing all those we love a favour, we are much more able to look after everyone else. The analogy of ‘putting our oxygen mask on first’ to be able to then support all those around us is – ‘What Our Life Is All About’.
“Happiness is an inside job. Don’t assign anyone else that much power over your life.”
– Mandy Hale