How often do we allow our dreams and goals to go to the next month or even year for the sake of the family? “Oh, it will be okay, I can do that later. Don’t worry about me, I will catch up, you all go to the game and I will finish off with the chores”, or “Oh, that’s okay you can do the dance and judo classes, go to soccer and camp”. Or something similar to this and of course it’s different for everyone. We generally make these choices putting us, the mum or female in the relationship, back down to the bottom of the pile. In the 1950’s it was called the burnt chop syndrome, yes, that’s right, mum chose the burnt chop. In 2015 it’s still happening, we are still making the same choices. Is it hereditary? Is it in our genes? Where did we learn it and how does it serve us?
“You were given this life because you were strong enough to live it.”
This isn’t for one moment taking away the importance of our family and all that we want to do for them and with them to achieve. This is our number one priority. As they say, we as parents want our children to be better than we are. We want them to go further, achieve more etc. However, this is about us knowing that we still have a life, we still have the right to have dreams and goals. We still have the right to keep them top of mind and kick some to touch.
Do we fully give ourselves permission to take the time? The time to study without stress? The time to exercise without guilt? The time to do hobby’s we love, without feeling obliged to have the family at their events at the desired times. Time to rest and rejuvenate without attachment to being selfish. When asked this question, many women put their hand up and say they let go of their desires. Some are fortunate to have good plans in place and will be achieving a great balance.
Looking at how happy we are in the 8 foundation pillars of our life is a good place to start. It’s a reality check on how we are achieving within these areas. It allows us to see the balance within an area and get in touch with how it makes us feel. See exercise below.
As winter starts creeping up on us, it’s a good time to sit and reflect on exactly where we are at with all we want to achieve. Winter is about resting and recharging much like the good old grizzly bear going off to hibernate. The grizzly bears’ habits have evolved over thousands of years and knows food is scarce and foraging isn’t going to cut it. So, they conserve their energy, their heart rate drops, metabolism slows and they rest. If we also allow ourselves to slow the pace a little, we could even make the time to consider what it is we want for the coming season. What is it that we truly want? If we had it what would the difference in our life be?
Tips for reflection, recharging and putting a spring in our step…
- Remember a time when we were on fire, doing what we loved, achieving all that we wanted – now consider what we could do to get that feeling back again. What could we discard, go without, do without? What is dragging us down and keeping us small? Make up a list and reflect.
- Complete the Life Wheel pictured above – score each pillar on a scale from 0 (not good) to 10 (excellent) on our satisfaction today – colour in the wheel per the scores. How balanced is your wheel? Which area would we choose to work on first?
- Take time out – take a break, allowing our mind to reflect on where we are today,
- Work with a coach for a short time to create clarity,
- Breathe – do the 10 breathes, deep breathe in, out (10) and counting down to 1.
- Take time out on a retreat – gather thoughts, make plans and re-energise,
- Take a course, learn something different from the comfort of home, improve our life,
- Make time for reading – it helps us grow.
- Listen in to inspirational conversations,
“If you can dream it. You can do it.”
– Walt Disney