We do it time and again!! Juggling, juggling, juggling as if we were the plate juggler in the circus, we do it so well we could actually apply for the circus job and get it. There is one difference, and that is our plates are our family, SELF, business, SELF, health, finances etc, oh, did we say self? We put our family top of the list of priorities and forget about ourself. Business comes a close second on the priority scale. Next comes the household chores and the day to day stuff. Time and again we will move our needs around for others and ultimately end up sitting on the back burner for way too long. Everything becomes a higher priority! When we finally give ourselves permission to step back and take a helicopter view we can get a shock with how it makes us feel and it doesn’t feel good. Sometimes this helicopter view is forced on us by bad health, dis-ease, a strained relationship, children misbehaving, addiction and others.


Self-care is not about self-indulgence, its about self-preservation.

– Audrey Lorde


“It’s selfish”, we say to ourselves and on we go putting others first. Yet we constantly have conversations with our children or friends about putting themselves first and learning to enable them to be good at all they do. We talk the talk however we are not walking the walk. We are being selfish to ourselves regarding our health and wellbeing not to put ourself at the top of the list. Generally we have an unconscious limiting belief about putting ourself at the top, because of the modelling we have received.


The modelling over the years is what our mothers and grandmothers did. They too tended to put themselves down the bottom of the pile. Growing up, we would have witnessed their tireless focus and tending to the family and home. In the 1950’s this was named ‘The Burnt Chop Syndrome’. Home and family are exceptionally important to us, however it’s equally important to look after ourselves to be able to be the best in all areas. Giving ourself permission to put some changes in place is where it all starts.


The moment is now!  Make different decisions, even one small one will make a difference. For our overall health and wellbeing to be top priority it’s time to move from the back element to the front element on our stove top of life. In doing this we are taking back some essential time to nurture ourself. Some might even call it reclaiming our sanity. As Albert Einstein said “The definition of insanity is to keep doing the same thing over and over expecting a different result”.


It’s imperative that we nurture and support ourselves to be our best; we will be more easily able to look after everything else, including our children/family, business etc. Often we think taking time for ourself is being selfish, however giving the time and indulging in ‘self-less-ness’, will make us more fun to be around, easier to deal with and the ripple effect to our children and family will shift hugely.


Putting simple changes in place will make things different. Choose to start small, change one routine and watch the effect. Make small different choices and model differently to the children. Starting small will be instantly noticeable. Starting small will also keep the guilt away. In taking focused small steps we start to recognise that it isn’t selfish. We see and understand that it’s loving ourself and ultimately loving those around us.


Tips to putting ourself first:

      • Instead of saying yes to everything, say, “let me think about it”, “I will sleep on it”. If it doesn’t feel right or it’s not aligning with our priorities, it is okay to say, “Thank you for the offer, I am unable, unavailable, etc”. Understand it is okay to say NO,
      • Diarise time for SELF – possibly in the morning, at lunchtime or evening, just make the time!
      • Do something that we love to do, this will bring back fun, joy and a sense of achievement and growth,
      • Go to a movie alone and relish in the journey,
      • Walk on the beach, in the bush – get out and move, smell the air, feel the wind, enjoy the moment,
      • Change some eating/drinking habits that no longer serve us – gaining clearer thoughts rippling to much better focus!
      • Take a course, join a club, connect with like-minded people,
      • Find a qualified professional to work with, A Coach for clarity and focus,
      • Ask ourselves, what is my WHY? Why am I doing what I do?
      • Join a networking/connection group for growth and development mixing with likeminded people.


Its so important to make someone happy. Start with yourself.

Choose to “be unapologetically YOU.


Debbie Hogg

Debbie Hogg  

Debbie Hogg is one of Australia’s leading coaches PCC/APC, is an award winning Coach, Master NLP Practitioner, Speaker, Women’s Retreat Master, Writer, Podcaster, Adventurous Hiker and is The Self-Worth Coach. Debbie is passionate in helping women manage their ‘Inner & Outer’ balance. She is co-creator of Life Skills Programs, assisting parents teach children confidence and resilience. Debbie knows that when we give ourselves permission to fully show up in our life amazing serendipities occur! She is mum to two amazing teenager daughters // www.debbiehogg.com