“An empty lantern provides no light. Self-care is the fuel that allows your light to shine brightly.”
~ Unknown

How often do we feel guilty when we have so much to do and neglecting other things including ourself? And, how often do we feel at breaking point because there is another demand on our time, resources and personal energy? All we would love to do is ‘take time out to relax, chill, recharge or something very similar’. How often do we feel like it’s breaking point?

Most of us, especially us mothers, tend to put everyone and everything before ourselves, we are so incredibly good at this. We learnt most of this from our mothers, who surprise, surprise also used to do the same, and they got it from their mothers. It’s also in our nature to nurture and care for others, therefore it’s easy to slide into this role. In the 50’s they coined it ‘The Burnt Chop Syndrome’, yes, I’ll have the burnt chop metaphorically we say and do; it might be the smaller amount, going without, missing out or sacrificing something. We are also good at not serving ourselves well because we often forget or let go of our needs. Our needs are critical!

Yes, we feel guilt when feeling this, however it is normal. What’s not normal is the actual looking after ourself first. A confirmation comes from travelling, the hostess on the aircraft shows us how to put the mask on ourself first before we help anyone else. If we put the mask on our children or others around us first and we missed out because something happened, who would look after them? 

Self care is worthwhile focusing on. It will lift our spirit, cleanse our soul and increase our ‘self-worth’.

How can we find our way for this reversal:

Forgive Ourself
Let’s forgive ourselves for wanting to look after us, then move on and actually get into action with it! It’s a matter of what we need in the moment, and once we have this process in action and we are noticing what we are noticing, things change. Forgiving ourselves will hugely impact our capacity of giving as we want to give. We will be able to give to those activities, events and also people once again. Taking the time is massively beneficial. 

People will eventually understand.
When we get the courage to step away from people and activities, the support will be there, even if we think it won’t.  Loved ones and friends  will respond positively towards us. They may even become our biggest cheerleader, because they know how important it is too ‘focus on SELF’ and ‘love SELF’. If we don’t have our health, we do not have anything. Our health and our happiness is critical to get right and it’s only us who can take the reins of control. By practising ‘away time’, or ‘me time, ‘special time’, ‘time out, time’ or whatever frame we put on it, it is good for all of our relationships including the one we have with ourself. Take a chance and feel the SHIFT.

Health is a requirement.
Health is wealth, and it is inclusive of mental, physical and spiritual. When we have this balance, yes all of our ducks are lined up for a beautiful focus on US, everything works and our life shifts. Yes, our environment and relationships absolutely help with making it easier and/or better for ourselves, yet none of them can do it for us. It all starts with us, it’s our responsibility to make the choice to make it happen. Lets enjoy the ride

We could choose different areas under the umbrella of health; eating well, exercise, yoga, being in the outdoors, meditation etc. Apart from these, it’s hugely important to emphasise the power of sleep, it is one of the most important health functions, and it’s one we often neglect. We typically choose sleep last because we think it’s the least important; if we could, some of us would choose being awake 24 hours a day.

With all of this, the fact remains, it is okay to cater to our needs first, and then everything else will flow. It’s the healthy way to be.


  • Health balance; is so important it must come first, it’s detrimental to put it anywhere else. Eat well, sleep well, no matter the toxicity of work and other responsibilities. Releasing these toxic thoughts, people and responsibilities is key to our overall health. 
  • Spiritual alignment; make time for connecting spiritually, whatever this means for each of us. Next spend time with our loved ones no matter how busy we are. Part of our reason for working is for our loved ones, and spending time with them is important. Have outings, invite people, join in celebration, sit and chat, ask questions, be in the moment with an elderly parent/s, a child or a friend and feel the love for ourself and for our family/friends.
  • Mental balance; take frequent breaks, our brain needs a breather as well. A rested brain is far more productive than a foggy one.
  • Lastly, it’s imperative we enjoy what we are doing, fun often comes last as well when we are busy. Have fun make fun as it creates amazing endorphins which help us be happy. Laughter is uplifting and energy shifting. 

Let’s drive our bus to where we want it to go!

“Nourishing yourself in a way which helps you blossom in the direction you want to go is attainable,
and you are worth the effort.”

~ Deborah Day

Debbie Hogg

Debbie Hogg  

Debbie Hogg is one of Australia’s leading coaches PCC/APC, is an award winning Coach, Master NLP Practitioner, Speaker, Women’s Retreat Master, Writer, Podcaster, Adventurous Hiker and is The Self-Worth Coach. Debbie is passionate in helping women manage their ‘Inner & Outer’ balance. She is co-creator of Life Skills Programs, assisting parents teach children confidence and resilience. Debbie knows that when we give ourselves permission to fully show up in our life amazing serendipities occur! She is mum to two amazing teenager daughters // www.debbiehogg.com