As we countdown to Mother’s Day, we celebrate all things maternal. But there’s little to celebrate when you realise you’re turning into your own mother. Love her or loathe her, she shaped the woman you are today – so it’s only natural to see mum reflected in your own parenting style. We’ve tapped six signs you’re turning into your mother. How many do you recognise?
- You Muddle the Kids’ Names Up
You know the drill – the kids are mucking up, you’ve asked them to do something for the millionth time, you lose your temper and yell . . . but you either call out the wrong child’s name or some weird hybrid of all the kids’ names. I have an older brother called Sean and a younger brother called Joel, but ‘Shoal’ regularly got into trouble at our house.
- You Offer Tea & Sympathy Instead of Tequila & Shots
Break-ups, break downs, break outs – all used to be fixed with a night out with the girls and few too many drinks with umbrellas. Now, it’s cups of tea on the couch or at the local coffee shop in the five minutes you can spare between school drop-off, work, shopping, errands, school pick-up, after school activities . . . you know what we’re talking about. And if you do manage a night out, it’s lights out soon after 10pm. Since when did ‘school nights’ apply to adults?
- Retail Assistants Call You Madam and You Get Unjustifiably Excited If They Refer to You as ‘Miss’
‘Madam’ still seems to refer to older women who use hot rollers and ‘slips’. How could it possibly apply to you? Likewise, for ‘ma’am’, ‘Mrs’ or any ‘grown-up’ title. But should someone call you ‘miss’ or – happy day – ask for ID, it can buoy you up for hours.
- You Own ‘Grown Up’ Kitchenware
Tablecloths, 40-piece dinner sets, ‘good’ tableware, a bar’s worth of crystal glasses and kitchen flotsam you never use (we’re looking at you soup tureen and gravy boats!) are firm signs you are turning into your mother. And the fact that you can’t discard or donate even though you’ve never even taken half of it out of the box since your wedding registry is yet another sign (ever noticed that mums are prime hoarders, saving stuff for ‘just in case’?).
- Spanx Have Replaced Lingerie…
Alright ladies, this is where reality truly bites. When Spanx or even worse, ‘comfy undies’ replace the rainbow of silken smalls you used to let peek out of strappy tops and slim fit dresses, you know you’re in prime mum territory. Flesh-coloured, beige, control-top anything is a distress signal requiring an immediate shopping spree. And don’t forget to get fitted, because if you’re really turning into mum, chances are you’re wearing the same size bra from pre-kids, regardless of how accordion-like your breasts have to be to fold back into it.
- …Because Pancake Butt
You know what we’re talking about. When your butt starts the slow slide down the back of your thighs. Or you do that old pencil test to check the ‘perkiness’ of your boobs and realise a whole pencil case could fit snugly under there. Or you choose outfits based on their ability to cover your mum-tum or ‘tuckshop arms’. Then one day you catch sight of yourself in a store window alongside your mum and realise it’s like Me and My Shadow. And vow to take the 30-day squat challenge and return to your schoolgirl sports immediately.
Happy haven Mother’s Day to all our mums, grandmums and godmums. Check out the May issue of haven for our bumper celebration of motherhood.