We love them warts and all. We will love them forever, come hell or high water. Who are they? They are our children.

For our kids, education is so important. Teachers, books and online support help our children learn. But what about ‘life’? How do our kids learn about life and the valuable lessons it gives to us? How do they learn about developing friendships, overcoming rudeness or bullying in the playground, which occurs in any school, and at any time? How do we teach them that doing their best now is what creates our results? Every day, there’s a lesson to learn. How do we teach them to be confident, loving, kind and know as long as they continue to strive, they will succeed? How do we teach them about life, the lumps, bumps and how not everything goes as planned? How do we ensure our children are learning valuable skills to fully support them on their life journey?

Being the best role models we can be is how we teach this. Children are sponges to the age of five and then other influences start impacting the way information is filtered. Information is received via three filters to start with; it will be deleted, distorted or generalised instantly by the brain. Once this happens, it is passed through the next set of filters (exactly the same as adults). These next filters are time/space, language, memories, decisions, meta (small) programs, values and beliefs and/or attitudes. As parents, it’s important to be conscious of what we do and say because everything we model, our children pick up.

Imagine a parent who often yells at his or her child, trying to motivate them. By the time this child becomes an adult, they may have internalised this powerful and negative form of motivation and will have most likely learned to talk to themselves using strong negative language. Although motivated, the price is all the bad feelings that these negative words stimulate. This makes it difficult in many situations as an adult and will be confusing because it is unconscious. It is something that is done naturally. One may wonder if it can be changed? The answer is yes.

The best way for us to model for our kids is shared in these words:


  • If children live with criticism, they will condemn.
  • If children live with hostility, they learn to fight.
  • If children live with fear, they learn to be apprehensive.
  • If children live with pity, they learn to feel sorry for themselves.
  • If children live with ridicule, they learn to be shy.
  • If children live with jealousy, they learn what envy is.
  • If children live with shame, they learn to feel guilty.
  • If children live with tolerance, they learn to be patient.
  • If children live with encouragement, they learn to be confident.
  • If children live with praise, they learn to appreciate.
  • If children live with approval, they learn to like themselves.
  • If children live with acceptance, they learn to find love in the world.
  • If children live with recognition, they learn to have a goal.
  • If children live with sharing, they learn to be generous.
  • If children live with honesty and fairness, they learn what truth and justice are.
  • If children live with security, they learn to have faith in themselves and in those around them.
  • If children live with friendliness, they learn the world is a nice place in which to live.
  • If children live with serenity, they learn to have peace of mind.

With what are your children living?

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Debbie Hogg

Debbie Hogg  

Debbie Hogg is one of Australia’s leading coaches PCC/APC, is an award winning Coach, Master NLP Practitioner, Speaker, Women’s Retreat Master, Writer, Podcaster, Adventurous Hiker and is The Self-Worth Coach. Debbie is passionate in helping women manage their ‘Inner & Outer’ balance. She is co-creator of Life Skills Programs, assisting parents teach children confidence and resilience. Debbie knows that when we give ourselves permission to fully show up in our life amazing serendipities occur! She is mum to two amazing teenager daughters // www.debbiehogg.com