My kids hate doing homework. What can I do?

Whenever any person ‘hates’ any aspect of life the question(s) we need to ask are:

  1. I wonder why?
  2. What specifically is it about this aspect of life that the person apparently ‘hates’?
  3. Have we considered all factors and all people in respect to what is being asked?
  4. Has the person connected to the purpose of what is being asked of them?

We must remember, a person does not ‘hate’ anything, however it is true there are aspects of life that each person has self-mastered (generally what they enjoy) and that they have not yet self-mastered (more likely to NOT enjoy).

Thus, if homework is something a person does not enjoy we really need to attempt to identify what aspect that person does not yet feel equipped to manage … what is needed for them to feel self-managed in that aspect of life. Is it:

  • Doing work after school – too tired and need a rest, or possibly morning homework is better than evening homework for this person
  • Handwriting and thus support with handwriting would be beneficial
  • Not sure how to do what is being asked of them and thus requires some more one on one support
  • They have a belief system that school work is for school and never for home; thus not connected to understanding that one of the purposes of homework is to support self-learning; self-dedication, commitment and increased work ethic

*An endless list of possibilities, but this key is asking (1) why does this person find this task difficult/unwanted and (2) what is needed to support them to feel equipped to respond to this aspect of life.

My husband and I are separated and have completely different ideas about food

As a behaviour specialist I learnt very early in my career that we cannot change another person’s behaviour … however we can offer an education that supports a person to change their own behaviour when they so choose to.

Thus, food choices need never be about another parent, rather about educating each person to understand the relationship of food, drinks etc on each person’s body.

have discussions on food will be most supportive if we don’t make it about rules, rather to support each person to develop a relationship with food and how it impacts on each person’s own body.

If a person learns to discern that some foods will support their body while others will not, not based on a rule rather based on how it affect their body, then in time they will make their own choices as to what they would like to choose to eat/drink etc and what they would prefer not to.

Thus food choices, in fact any choices never become about a rule from any person, rather become about a science relationship by observing the impacts (positive and/or negative) that each food has on our body.

Tanya Curtis

Tanya Curtis  

Tanya founded Fabic (Functional Assessment & Behavioural Interventions Clinic) in 2006 with a vision to support people to understand and change unwanted behaviours. Tanya is an author, writes and presents behaviour specialist DVDs, and has developed online behaviour support programs // www.fabic.com.au