The team at Fabic are a wealth of knowledge when it come to childhood behavioural issues. Do you have a burning question that you’d like answered? Email editor@havenmagazine.com.au and keep your eyes peeled for their expert answers.

My best friend’s child is mean to mine and it’s affecting our friendship. We’ve been friends since high school and I don’t want our kids to be the reason our friendship fails after all these years.

My best advice is to never judge children for what they do; rather see them as forever students of life. Firstly, each person in this world has their existing strengths (those parts of life they have already developed skills to respond to) and their current areas of weakness (those parts of life they are yet to develop the skills to respond to).

A child is never mean – albeit they may use mean behaviours. But the bigger question is why? Why could someone who at their core is an awesome, amazing loveable being have the capacity to use mean behaviours? It’s simple, really. It’s because there are parts of life this person does not yet perceive they have the skills to respond to, thus the so-called mean behaviours are their way of reacting to what life is presenting. Put differently, mean behaviour is simply a person communicating to us, “Adults, please listen – I would like support to learn how to respond to this part of life.”

Would the child benefit from learning skills to share, wait, listen in response to life not happening according to their picture, jealousy or a hurt that was triggered etc? With this in mind, when your children are together, you could approach this as the ‘classroom of life’, while you and your friend embrace your roles as the ‘teachers of life’, thus supporting each other’s children to continually develop.

Tanya Curtis

Tanya Curtis  

Tanya founded Fabic (Functional Assessment & Behavioural Interventions Clinic) in 2006 with a vision to support people to understand and change unwanted behaviours. Tanya is an author, writes and presents behaviour specialist DVDs, and has developed online behaviour support programs // www.fabic.com.au